Being older means more hair and less hearing. You will either be very good at one thing, or you will be very bad at everything. Here are some things you can say to make you seem wisened.
1) I couldn’t finish my bagel, and now my soul is dying.
2) I coughed up something black in the shower yesterday. I wonder if my kids will call me.
3) One of my eyes fell out, and now I can only see the future.
4) The doctor says I am going deaf. Well, I guess that means I won’t have to divorce my wife afterall.
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